The Keep-Your-Mouth-Shut Files #1: Mickey Spillane

I’ve been blogging for more than two years now, and I like doing it. I use this blog to record my thoughts, feelings, and opinions on the mystery genre, and to steer readers in the direction of books they might enjoy. I try to read every book based on its own merits and to judge them all fairly. And I think I’ve done a decent job overall. That being said… I’m only human. I make mistakes. It took me a while to figure out just what a “proper” review was and how different criteria will apply to different subgenres. It took some time for me to accept that the modern crime fiction scene is far more interesting than I at first gave it credit for. And every once in a while, I went out and said something very… er, opinionated.

The funny thing about opinions is that they can change. And it can take you off guard. And boy, I’ve sure thrown around a lot of opinions here on this blog. Sometimes, I think back on what I wrote a year or two ago, and wonder just what on earth I was thinking at the time. And so I’d like to introduce a new feature on this blog, one which I hope will prove interesting: “The-Keep-Your-Mouth-Shut Files”. Although I might change the title if I think of something better, this is the part of the program where I revisit old blog posts and confirm everyone’s impression of me as an opinionated jackass who should just keep his mouth shut sometimes. And I can think of no better an inaugural subject than Mickey Spillane.

007 Reloaded: Octopussy and the Living Daylights

Well, this has been a long journey, but they all must eventually come to an end. I’ve been making my way through Ian Fleming’s James Bond novels book-by-book, and have rediscovered old favourites and made new ones. I’ve finally gotten to read You Only Live Twice, the only adventure I had not yet read. And I concluded the novels a while back with my review of The Man with the Golden Gun.

However, James Bond refused to die there. One final book was published after Ian Fleming’s death, collecting the last James Bond short stories. The book was called Octopussy and the Living Daylights, and those two stories originally formed the entire book. However, over time two more stories were added to this book (which is sometimes published as Octopussy). For me this formed one final glimmer of excitement—when I originally read this book, I am fairly certain that there were only the two titular stories in the collection. (A few years ago when I first read these books, I must have gotten hold of an earlier edition.) So although I thought I had no more Bond to discover, it turns out I had two more adventures to read! So what did I think of these stories? Let’s get started.

007 Reloaded: The Man with the Golden Gun

James Bond went missing after the events of his previous adventure, You Only Live Twice. He was finally reported as missing, believed killed and M wrote an obituary that appeared in the previous novel. But of course Bond is still very much alive, and he strolls back into London one day ready to report the results of his mission direct to M. But something seems wrong with Bond and suspicions are aroused. He’s acting almost too much like himself to the point of theatricality. Instead of coming back to his old flat, he’s staying at an expensive hotel. Instead of returning to England via one of the usual routes, he went by a circuitous route, entering the country with a faked passport.

When M sees Bond, we find out the reason for these discrepancies in a gloriously-over-the-top scene that somehow manages to really work. And once that’s out of the way, M decides to give Bond a new mission. Bond is sent out to Jamaica to pursue the assassin Scaramanga, known locally as The Man with the Golden Gun. Scaramanga is one of Bond’s deadliest opponents: an expert shot, in peak physical condition, and a sado-masochist who has sex right before he goes out for another hit job… The secret service has decided that it’s about time that Scaramanga’s career be terminated, and Bond is the man for the job.

007 Reloaded: You Only Live Twice

The last time we saw James Bond, he and Ernst Stavro Blofeld were engrossed in a duel on a snowy mountaintop, where colourful characters such as Irma Bunt took supporting roles. But after the events of that book, James Bond becomes depressed and loses his will to live. You Only Live Twice opens with M and Sir James Molony discussing 007’s future with the Secret Service after Bond has badly bungled his last two missions. M wants to fire Bond, but Sir James convinces him to give Bond one last chance by giving him an impossible mission, though not necessarily a lethal one. Perhaps being thrown back into the field will reinvigorate Bond.

And so M summons Bond to his office… only to discover Bond isn’t there. When Bond finally does show up, M decides to ignore the whole episode and orders Bond to go to Japan. His mission is to make contact with Tiger Tanaka, head of the Japanese Secret Service, and to obtain important information from him. Over the course of his stay in Japan, Bond slowly learns more and more about Japanese customs, and then he learns about the sinister “Castle of Death” run by the mysterious Swiss botanist, Dr. Guntram Shatterhand.

007 Reloaded: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Beautiful women show up everywhere in the James Bond series. But when Bond meets Tracy di Vicenzo, he feels something very different for her. She isn’t just another prize to be won and bedded. At the start of the novel, Bond prevents her from potentially committing suicide… and just as suddenly, the two find themselves kidnapped. Bond takes this time to reflect on the past few days, his initial encounter with Tracy, etc., and when the kidnapper finally reveals himself, it turns out to be Tracy’s father, Marc-Ange… the head of the Union Corse.

Marc-Ange thanks Bond for helping Tracy, and Bond gets a flash of inspiration. The two men form an unlikely alliance to hunt down Ernst Stavro Blofeld. (If you need a refresher on Blofeld and what he was up to last time, see my review of Thunderball.) Marc-Ange shares Bond’s hatred of Blofeld, who has bribed several of his men away from the Union Corse. Before long, Bond is back in London and is summoned to the College of Arms. He finds out that Blofeld has been in touch with the College, eager to engage them on a research project. It seems Blofeld is very eager to establish himself as the rightful heir to the de Bleuville title. Perhaps he wants to acquire a veneer of respectability like some of the previous Bond villains. Perhaps he’s simply lusting after a title. Either way, Blofeld has revealed himself and it’s up to Bond to play the cards right. So the plot is hatched: Bond will impersonate a Scottish nobleman and gain access to Blofeld’s stronghold, on the pretext of needing a personal interview to establish certain details. And thus Bond is plunged into an unforgettable adventure, though it’s probably all in a day’s work when you’re On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

007 Reloaded: Thunderball

M summons James Bond into his office and delivers a stern lecture. It seems that Bond’s last physical exam was a disappointing one – not surprising when the man drinks excessively and smokes up to sixty cigarettes a day. So M decides that Bond has got to look after his health more. And he sends him off to the Shrublands health clinic to regain his strength, get off the alcohol and cigarettes, and get back on the track to good health!

But while there, Bond comes across the mysterious Count Lippe, a man with a secret to hide. It turns out he is a member of the Red Lightning Tong, which operates in Macau. Soon after he makes the discovery, an attempt is made on Bond’s life by tampering with a spinal traction machine. Luckily, Bond survives the attack and retaliates against the Count. Unknown to Bond, this childish game of revenge delays a major conspiracy, Plan Omega, that is about to rock the Western world…

007 Reloaded: For Your Eyes Only

Today I will be reviewing the James Bond collection For Your Eyes Only story-by-story. This is one of only two short story collections involving James Bond, and this one contains only five stories. It’ll probably be best if I discuss my impression of the collection as a whole after I’ve reviewed the individual stories. So without further ado, let’s get started.

From a View to a Kill

This is far from Fleming’s most inspired story. It’s actually a pretty boring way to open the collection. James Bond investigates the murder of a secret service motorcycle rider. He was going on his usual route from SHAPE (Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe) to his base when he was attacked and his secret documents were stolen. Bond doesn’t have much trouble finding the assassin, and you wouldn’t exaggerate much by calling the story a celebration of predictability. It’s just not all that creative nor interesting, especially when you consider that Bond’s previous adventure was the wild romp Goldfinger.

007 Reloaded: Goldfinger

Goldfinger said, ‘Mr Bond, they have a saying in Chicago: “Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, the third time it’s enemy action.”’

Goldfinger opens with an unexpected reference to Casino Royale, the first James Bond adventure. It starts with Bond running into a man he met during the events at Royale-les-Eaux: Junius Du Pont was one of the men at the card table on the night when Bond memorably cleaned out Le Chiffre’s funds. Now, seeing Bond at the airport by coincidence, Du Pont leaps at the chance to make conversation. And before long, he makes Bond a job offer.

It turns out that Du Pont has been losing heavily at cards with a man named Auric Goldfinger. This man Goldfinger is incredibly rich; he’s simply rolling in money. He’s one of the richest men in the world. Yet he consistently beats Du Pont in canasta, and Du Pont is a pretty good card player. He’s convinced that Goldfinger must be cheating somehow, but he can’t figure out how. And so he hires Bond to investigate. And thus, with the simple affair of a man cheating at cards, James Bond is launched into his wildest adventure in Ian Fleming’s Goldfinger.

007 Reloaded: Dr. No

It’s interesting to look back on the story behind Ian Fleming’s sixth Bond adventure, Dr. No. After taking a major risk in From Russia With Love, Fleming decided to play things a bit safer in the follow-up. Many of the plot elements were taken from a proposed TV show, Commander Jamaica, where the main character was supposed to be named James Gunn, and his great enemy would be the half-German half-Chinese Dr. No. The project never came to fruition and so Fleming incorporated several of these ideas into Dr. No. And I must admit here that Dr. No is not my favourite James Bond novel. But it sure comes close.

It begins quite simply, with a murder. Commander John Strangways and his secretary are both gunned down one day, right before they are to make an urgent call to London. Strangways represents the Secret Service in Jamaica, you see, and he had an impeccable record with his calls. He had a habit of playing bridge with a few other men, and would leave the game every day at the same time to make the standard call to London. “It was an iron routine. Strangways was a man of iron routine. Unfortunately, strict patterns of behaviour can be deadly if they are read by an enemy.”

007 Reloaded: From Russia With Love

SMERSH, the top-Secret Russian Murder Bureau, is furious. It has been involved in failure after failure, and the results have been disastrous for their reputation. So they have decided to strike back. Their target? The English Secret Service. They want to create a major scandal, one that will cause the public to go into an uproar and permanently stain the service’s reputation. And they have one particular target in mind. He’s an agent who has given SMERSH plenty of trouble in the past. And his name? James Bond.

SMERSH appoints Colonel Rosa Klebb as head of this operation. And the plan is a complex one, a brilliant piece of work designed by the world-class chess grandmaster Kronsteen. For this plan, Klebb needs a few elements. One of them is a mad killer named Red Grant, a vicious, amoral psychopath whose homicidal urges coincide with the full moon. But there’s also a role for a beautiful woman in this plan, and Corporal Tatiana Romanova is recruited for that part. And this forms the basis for the plot of Ian Fleming’s From Russia With Love.

007 Reloaded: Diamonds are Forever

Diamonds are being smuggled into the United States of America, and millions of dollars are being lost every year as a result of these criminal activities. The British Secret Service has finally got an idea of how the job is being done: they’ve intercepted a member of the gang who was supposed to help ferry an illegal load of diamonds from London to New York. But they haven’t let on that they know anything about this transaction: instead, they’re sending one of their top men in his place. His name’s Bond. James Bond.

Bond’s mission is simple in theory: find out how the diamond pipeline works and then report back. Bond is rather bored with the assignment. He has a low opinion of American gangsters, thinking they’re nothing but a bunch of Italian men stuffing themselves every evening and then knocking off a liquor store on the weekend to finance the next week. But as he finds out, those are the only gangsters who are ever noticed: there are gangsters behind these gangsters and more gangsters behind those. The landscape of criminal life in America is far more complex—and dangerous—than Bond could have ever dreamed…

007 Reloaded: Moonraker

James Bond is looking forward to a bit of a break. Having taken care of the Mr. Big threat, he is relaxing back home in England, living a dull office life and wondering when he might get another summons from his boss, M, to signal the start of another mission. It happens a lot sooner than he bargains for, but M is acting strangely. It turns out that M hasn’t got any mission in mind, but he wants to ask Bond for a personal favour.

You see, M is a member of Blades, an elite club for gentlemen who wish to play cards. Its membership is highly exclusive and prized among the upper classes, and M is one of the club members. Another member is Sir Hugo Drax, the brilliant industrialist who is currently building the Moonraker, a revolutionary rocket that will place any European capital within England’s firing range. He is admired by the people and revered by the media. He also cheats at cards.

In a London that is still run to some extent on the old-boy system, why would Sir Hugo commit the one crime that stings more than any other crime among gentlemen? Why risk his reputation and his club membership in order to win a few card games? M doesn’t know for certain, but if the story falls into the wrong hands, it might mean the end of Drax… and possibly the end of the Moonraker project. M asks Bond to come to Blades and find out how Drax is cheating and to stop him before he destroys himself.

007 Reloaded: Live and Let Die

James Bond, introduced to the world in Casino Royale, would see the light of day once again one year later, with the publication of the novel Live and Let Die. 007 is sent to the most bizarre, exotic location you could possibly imagine: The United States of America. Specifically, he starts off on the streets of New York City. Old gold coins have been showing up all over the States, and these appear to be part of a legendary treasure. But how did they get into the country? Somebody is smuggling the gold into the country, and in this case, all the roads lead to the larger-than-life gangster Mr. Big.

Larger-than-life is a literal description in this case. Mr. Big is simply an enormous man, the most powerful black criminal in all of America, possibly the world. He strikes terror into the heart of the black community and is believed to be the incarnation of the feared Baron Samedi, of the voodoo religion. They say he cannot be killed. They say that anyone who opposes him will meet death face-to-face. And they also say that he is an agent of SMERSH, the secret Russian organization that James Bond tangled with in Casino Royale.

007 Reloaded: Casino Royale

Note: This will be the first review in a series of James Bond reviews. In 2013, I intend to go through all 14 of Ian Fleming’s James Bond books in order of publication. This means that 007 will be appearing quite a bit for the next little while. These books hold a very special place in my heart, so I only hope that these reviews will convince someone unfamiliar with Fleming’s books to give them a chance.

“The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. Then the soul-erosion produced by high gambling – a compost of greed and fear and nervous tension – becomes unbearable and the senses awake and revolt from it.”

Thus begins Casino Royale, the 1953 novel in which Ian Fleming introduced readers to the exploits of James Bond, secret agent extraordinaire. The stakes couldn’t possibly be higher. Word has gone around to the British Secret Service that Le Chiffre, the undercover Paymaster of a Communist-controlled trade union, is in financial trouble. He gambled his clients’ money on a string of brothels, but a new law was passed in France that banned his houses of pleasure. And thus, almost overnight Le Chiffre lost his investment.

In a desperate attempt to recoup his financial losses, Le Chiffre has come to Royale-les-Eaux. His plan is to win back his money in a high-stakes baccarat game. That’s where 007 comes in. His mission: humiliate Le Chiffre by beating him at the card table and thoroughly cleaning him out. Killing him would be futile – the opposition is already displeased with Le Chiffre, and SMERSH (a contraction of the Russian phrase smyert shpionam– “death to spies”) has reportedly sent a man to deliver punishment to Le Chiffre for bungling.

The Name's Fleming. Ian Fleming.

James Bond is an international phenomenon. I nominate that sentence as my contribution for the coveted Understatement of the Year Award. When Skyfall, the 23^rd Bond picture, was released last year, people flocked to the cinemas en masse, and as a result the movie generated over $1 billion in revenue. It’s amazing that a character whose exploits were first published in 1953 remains relevant to this day, and all this was the product of Ian Fleming’s fertile imagination.

I’ve read almost all the Bond novels – You Only Live Twice is the only exception – and I’m a big fan. But I knew nothing about the author, Ian Fleming. What was he like? How did he get the idea for Bond? I had no idea. All I could tell you was that he was British and that his Jamaican house was called Goldeneye. As readers of my blog might recall, I decided that in 2013 I would read all of Fleming’s Bond novels. But to do this properly, I felt it was best to first learn more about Ian Fleming. And so I picked up Ian Fleming: The Man Behind James Bond by Andrew Lycett.